Stillness of My Presence

I am a planner. If you know me well you know I live for order, lists and a 5 year plan. I actually had the timing of my second child planned out neatly on a post-it note... the details of the note showing how old Mikayla would be if a baby were to be born in a certain month and when I would have to be pregnant by. I left this note on the steering wheel of Dhrumil's car so we could discuss later that night. Funny thing is Nolan's birth was not lined up on the post-it note... just something to remind me that I am NOT in control!

Try as I might, I can not plan everything out. Sometimes it is good to set the note pad down and to just
live a little. This has been an ongoing challenge for myself... to live in the moment.

Living right NOW

Ironically PPD has forced me to live in the now. It has turned this type A person who likes to know what's next into someone who can hardly think past the next minute. The anxiety of what I am dealing with is so overwhelming at times that I can barely deal with thinking what the next hour of the day will bring. And so I just don't think past this minute... I tell myself to make it through NOW because then it will just flow into the next moment.

Isn't God's timing impeccable? Having been discouraged by my anxiety and feeling handicapped by not being able to plan ahead, I happened to read a devotion this morning that spoke to me. Here is an excerpt...

I am always with you, so you have no reason to be afraid. Your fear often manifests itself in excessive planning. Your mind is so accustomed to this pattern of thinking that you are only now becoming aware of how pervasive it is and how much it hinders your intimacy with Me. [...] Return to My Presence, which always awaits you in the present moment.
- Jesus Calling Sarah Young

What I am dealing with... this whole PPD thing... it sucks. BUT through it I can already see God's work in me. To not be fearful of what is ahead because He has it under control. To try to take joy in the NOW and to rest in the peace only He can bring to me during it.

I pray that wherever you are in your life... whether it be in the midst of storm or on calm beautiful seas, that you will take time to rest in the peace and beauty that only THIS moment can bring.