Even now as I try to write this my entire self is screaming "JUST STOP THINKING!" It is so hard not be frustrated with the lack of energy I have right now and this has been plaguing me this evening. Thankfully a nurse at the intensive outpatient program I started today said something that really hit home... she said to think about what I went through last week as surgery and I needed a recovery time. My body needs time to recover from the mental exhaustion and though I may look perfectly fine, I really needed to give myself a break.
And so, as difficult as it may be, I am trying to give myself the ability to stop and not try to do everything. This is SO hard for me, but I feel that through this whole experience that is one more lesson I have to learn and that I can carry on with me once I have beat this storm.
When the negative thoughts come at night and the darkness seems overwhelming as they are now I refer back to Pslam 139, particularly verses 11 and 12...
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Last night a picture came to me after I read this passage. God is the big spotlight lighting my path through the darkness. What a comforting thought!
|Happy moment today|