I'm Me!

Many days it's been hard to find the true ElisaBeth amidst the depression. It has been a struggle to differentiate between the two. Part of me wants to yell at myself for the loss of control I sometimes feel and the other part wants to give myself a hug and say that it's not my fault.

With the stigma attached to mental illness, depression and postpartum depression, I believe it is hard to understand what it really is... I know I had no idea until experiencing it myself. I wish the cure to depression was as easy as just being happy, just pulling it together, just making the most of what you have...  but it's not.

I have the most amazing God, husband, kids, family, friends, support, place to live, dog, me time, car (you get the picture)... and yet I still continue to fight on a daily basis to get better. This can be extremely frustrating, especially when I get caught in the cycle of blaming myself about the depression and that I just need to get over it already.

Mental illness is just that... an illness. And so, though I continue to struggle to still truly understand it, I know that like any other illness it will take time. Like any healing... work needs to be done and a sense of determination needs to be had in order to stay on the positive side while in the midst of crap.

And so who am I during this storm in life? My therapist in the hospital said something that really stuck with me... I need to just accept where I'm at right now. Soon it will be over, soon I will not have to fight so hard, but right now this is me and I'm an incredible and courageous fighter who wants to get better for her family, friends and especially for herself!

I'm ME!

If I roar like a lion (roar) 

Does it make me a lion?

If I bark like a dog (ruff ruff)

Does it make me a dog?

If I hiss like a snake (hiss)

Does it make me a snake?

No, no, no, no

I'm so much more than 

You can see

I have LIFE inside of me

That makes me move, feel and

love

I can act a certain way

And do all sort of things but in 

the end

I'm me, I'm me, I'm me

- Excerpt from Song I'm ME! by Charlie Hope