Hope

The past few days have been the absolute hardest in my fight against PPD. I feel like I write that sentence at the beginning of many of my posts, but this time I don't think I could sink any lower.

I may elaborate a bit more in some of my future posts, but the fact is that I had to stay in a hospital for a few days. At the beginning of my stay I was angry at God, felt abandoned by Him and didn't understand how He could let this happen to me. At the end of my stay my  heart was changed once again and I felt hope and fight in me that could only come from Him.

This morning before I left to come home I opened my devotion and read this:

What I drew this morning before leaving

Hope is a golden cord connecting you to heaven. This cord helps you hold your head up high, even when multiple trials are buffeting you. I never leave your side, and I never let go of your hand. But with-out the cord of hope, your head may slump and your feet may shuffle as you journey uphill with Me. Hope lifts your perspective from your weary feet to the glorious view you can see from the high road. You are reminded that the road we're traveling together is ultimately a highway to heaven. When you consider this radiant destination, the roughness or smoothness of the road ahead becomes much less significant. I am training you to hold in your heart a dual focus: My continual Presence and the hope of heaven. 

- Jesus Calling

Thank you for those who have been praying for me. I have felt bathed in God's love today after leaving the hospital. The moments I have shared with my children and my husband have been some of the most precious I have ever had. 

I have hope that I will continue to have the courage and strength to fight this illness and get better. With God's help I will win!