Tuesday, June 28, 2011

A Glimpse

Sunday was a tough day. Mikayla woke up screaming at 5am and the rest of the day was filled with a little girl who was in pain from all of her teeth coming in. Needless to say she was not the happiest and Dhrumil and I tried to make the most of the day and just go with it.
By the time Mikayla woke up screaming from her short nap that afternoon the day felt never ending. I suggested we go to Waveny (a big beautiful park in our town) and without hesitation Dhrumil loaded the baby and wagon into the car while I grabbed the dog and a picnic blanket.
It was at Waveny where we saw Mikayla’s first smiles of the day while Dhrumil pulled her in the wagon across the great expanse of green grass. I had to find the perfect tree to lay under and Willoughby was in his glory running back and forth between all of us.
Lazily laying on a blanket reading a book was something I used to do all the time before I was a mother… times have changed. I was ready to take back one of the greatest pleasures, but as I stared up at the tree above I couldn’t help but turn to the sounds of giggling. A sweet high belly laugh came out of Mikayla who had just fallen in the soft grass followed by Dhrumil’s laughter which never fails to make me smile. I pushed my book aside and watched as Mikayla attempted to run around the field chasing the dog as Dhrumil chased both of them. It was then that I gasped… this was my family. MINE! They are beautiful and they are part of me and I of them. All of the exhaustion of the day lifted in that moment and I felt truly blessed and in awe of the gift I was entrusted with.
This short poem came from the feelings of that moment:
A day of crying a day of pain
A day where it all seems the same
But then a moment which stops all time
A stillness wanders into my mind
A beautiful image appears to me
And I know that for all of eternity
I have been blessed beyond all measure
This gift from God regards all splendor
My life has somehow become complete
And purpose finally will I meet
This blessing so pure and divine
Can only come from one so fine
I thank the Lord for all He’s done
A glimpse of Heaven as bright as the sun

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Life is Fleeting

Four generations
I have heard this term in books. Today I looked up fleeting to see what it really means… “Passing or fading quickly” and in the Thesaurus… “brief, momentary, transitory and evanescent.” These definitions bring tears to my eyes and a picture in my mind.
Last week Mikayla and I flew to visit my parents in Indiana one last time before they move to NYC (More on that trip to come) While there it was very important for me to go and visit my Yoder Grandparents in Ohio. They have been having a difficult time lately… afflicted by things that come with age. My Grandpa can hardly see and is in a wheelchair because he fell. My grandma succumbing to dementia, though she can still remember us. They have both been moved to separate rooms on the assisted living wing of the wonderful home they are living in. More like a “college for the old” than a facility for the weary.
When I went into my Grandma’s room I was shocked by how frail and little she looked… same with my grandpa. Grandma was slightly confused, but was excited to see me. When they saw Mikayla joy lit their faces and I was hit with the thought of this new life was giving large smiles to the old life passing through. While sitting in the lobby, watching Mikayla play and toddle back and forth between my parents and grandparents, I had a new appreciation for life and the moments that are meant to be cherished.
Grandma talking to Mikayla about her shoes
We happened to be in the lobby during the June birthday celebration. A man on an accordion and one on the drums played and sang to their hearts content. I enjoyed looking around and watching the elders sing along. Mikayla was in her glory… dancing with my mom, walking from one end to the other, being the center of attention. Amidst the joy and naivety of a  child who has yet been blemished my life’s hardships it wasn’t hard to miss the looks on those around me. My parents showed love of their grandchild, but also exhaustion and a bit of sadness that is brought by the stresses of having older parents. My Grandpa showed concern through his eyes for the love of his life whose mind is leaving it’s body. And my Grandma? She sat quietly, a peaceful but faraway look in her eyes. I wondered where she was… perhaps thoughts of her younger days had come upon her and she had been transported to a place where she was witty, young and beautiful again.
Saying goodbye was the hardest. After helping my Grandma into her chair and covering her with a blanket I bent to hug her and whisper to her what I know I wanted her to hear while she still remembered who I was… “You have been and are the best Grandma, thank you.” As tears filled both of our eyes we clung to each other and as I looked deeply into her cloudy blue eyes  I remembered a time not too long ago where her eyes were clear and she was teaching me to cook and sew.
As I left their room, my dad’s comforting arm around my shoulders, immense sadness filling my heart, I knew one thing for sure. Life is fleeting. My grandparents, like the rest of us, are just passing through. This life is but a brief stop on the way to all of the Glory and Splendor waiting for us in Heaven. That thought gave me comfort. 
Special family

Giving five to Grandpa


An Off Day

Do you ever have a day that is just a bit off? A day where there seems to be something you are probably forgetting but you push it off as something you dreamt and not something you were supposed to remember? Yesterday was that day for not only myself, but also Dhrumil. We were already reeling from getting back into the daily grind after vacation and were preoccupied with trying to catch up.
That morning I had forgotten to pack Mikayla’s lunch and in my rush I threw items into a bag and forgot the spoon… ok not so bad. Work went as usual, Dhrumil dropped Mikayla off as usual and all was right in the world.
Then the phone call came.
To preface the phone call… I was planning on leaving work 20 minutes early to pick up Mikayla since Dhrumil had a meeting.
Ok back to the phone call.
It was Dhrumil with a bit of panic in his voice… “how are you going to pick up Mikayla?” What a silly question! Um drive and get her… higher pitched this time “you don’t have the car seat and my big meeting is in 10 minutes” BLANK “hello?” BLANK “what should we do?” BLANK. HOW in the world did both of us forget about the car seat? My mind went over the possibilities… I could walk home… that would take me a few hours. I could sit at the church and wait until Dhrumil was done with his meeting… Mikayla would have a meltdown from exhaustion. BLANK. Wish we could fly home.
“What should we do!?” Dhrumil’s voice calm, but persistent. Sigh. It was raining out… the traffic was going to be bad… I was, shall we say, not thrilled? Maybe we could also say I was… frustrated since we were having Mikayla stay in day care an extra hour so I woudn’t have to leave work EARLY AND OH MY GOSH SHE IS IN DAYCARE JUST SO I CAN DRIVE AROUND FOR AN HOUR AND I STILL HAVE TO LEAVE WORK EARLY! Ok guess I was past the point of no return. Well one thing was for sure, I didn’t want Dhrumil to leave his important meeting. So I drove.
Slow cars… why do cars always drive slow when I am trying to GO PLACES!? Three highways later, 25 minutes later, a burst of tears when I saw Dhrumil later, I was in the car with the car seat heading back down to pick up Mikayla. I got there right at 1pm, she smiled, laughed, said “Momeeeee” in her sweet sweet way and all was right in the world.
Total time spent in the car? One hour and a half
I can laugh it off now… and hopefully next time something happens like this I can laugh it off in the moment and just breath because a giggly, smiley little girl will be there at the end with a wet kiss.