The Call

It was the hardest call I've had to make... it meant admitting to myself that these feelings... or whatever they are... weren't going to pass on their own. It took me two weeks to do, but I finally did it. I called the Doctor.

After discussions with my GP, she agreed to let me try to improve without the help of medication. I am definitely not against medication when it comes to depression, but since I seem to have a moderate case of PPD I wanted to try another route for the time being.

And so I am going to meet with a counselor, exercise, improve my diet, and possibly supplement with vitamins and fish oil. All of these steps look relatively easy for me to do today... a good day. But I have no clue how I will feel about it tomorrow.

Here is how best to describe one of my tough days...

Trapped in a well of darkness, clinging to the ladder that will bring me to the clear surface, the numb feeling of sadness threatening to overcome me. I clutch the ladder and try to focus to just take one small step up... or at least to hold onto the ladder and not let myself be enveloped by the darkness below. I am fighting it...

The hardest part... not blaming myself for these feelings. And so I cling to the one who Created me.

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my  heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
- Casting Crowns Praise You in This Storm