Baby Brother

It is hard to believe that there are only three and half months left before we meet our little man. We still do not have a name for him as Dhrumil and I can not yet agree. :) We have just been calling him baby brother since that is what we refer to him with Mikayla.

I think Mikayla is now used to the idea of there being a baby in mommy's tummy, though I know that she will not understand that magnitude of a new person coming to live with us until the day arrives. This morning Mikayla wanted me to get her ball that fell under the tv hutch... Dhrumil replied that mommy can't get it because of baby brother and she replied "take baby brother out" to which Dhrumil and I replied he can't come out until Christmas time.

My pregnancy is still going much smoother than the last though I am starting to feel very huge. So huge that I feel like my belly is leading me wherever I go. Since I have moved to Pennsylvania I have gained 6 pounds.... yes 6 POUNDS in 4 weeks. The tasty cakes, turkey hill ice cream, pretzels... well let's just say I do not want a huge baby if I can help it and ice cream has been replaced with cottage cheese and berries and the tasty cakes have been replace with celery and peanut butter. Blah.

My last appointment I had an ultrasound to follow up on everything with the rabies shot and I got to see him in 4d. Pretty incredible! He is quite the mover and my stomach is already making strange contortions.

At the moment I am measuring a week and a half ahead and the baby is a little over 2 pounds... in the 80%. I know that these things aren't completely accurate, so I guess we will just see. I am hoping that this birth will go as my first, but I know anything can happen. We just hired a doula and I am starting to realize I need to get moving on preparing my "nest"! I am also trying to prepare my mind once again with re-educating myself on natural birth. I feel like giving birth should be like jumping on a bicycle again, but I want to try to be as ready as possible.

26 Weeks and 2 days

We are so excited to meet baby brother. Now I just need to get moving on getting things that are not pink into our house!

A Night Night Story

When Mikayla was nine months old she started going to day care a few hours a day. They had recommended to send along a stuffed animal of sorts that could act as her link to home and be a comfort to her. Up to that point she really hadn't attached herself to anything in particular. I decided to send along a pink bunny from my mom that was half stuffed animal and half blanket. 

Mikayla attached herself to this bunny rather quickly. Soon she had named it... unbeknownst to us. I can't remember how old she was, but I remember she said to me "night night" and I was so impressed that my daughter was asking to go to sleep! After I put her down, she wasn't really into it... I ended up realizing that she was asking for her bunny. And thus "Night Night" was born.

Night Night slept with Mikayla every night tightly clutched in her arms. If Mikayla was upset, she would hold Night Night and all would be ok. Night Night even accompanied her to her adenoid surgery. Such a sweet a special bond was formed between girl and pink bunny.

That is until Night Night was lost...

After Night Night had been SO many different places with us it was hard to fathom it was lost. 

Dhrumil and Mikayla went on a walk around our new neighborhood... something Mikayla loves to do now that she is free to walk alone because we have sidewalks. She always puts her favorite animals in her little stroller and likes to push them around. That day Dhrumil decided they would run for a portion... something I am still not sure how was accomplished... large man, little dog, two year old and doll stroller... all running down the sidewalk. Anyways they ran and Night Night fell out.

We didn't discover it was gone until bedtime... Dhrumil and I looked everywhere. Dhrumil even knocked on the doors of our new neighbors to ask if they had picked it up. But no Night Night to be found. I think I was even more sad than Mikayla... it was the end of her babyhood in my eyes... 

What to do that night!? How would she sleep? Well Dhrumil... having the mind that he has... spun a story. Night Night went to Never Land and would be back in a few days. It went there to get its "magic"... WHAT I said to him later... were you thinking? Why not to some pretty flower field in another country on vacation? Anyways Mikayla bought it and held onto a small pillow for the next few nights. Occasionally she would ask about Night Night and also when it was coming back from Never Land. 

Thank the LORD I found a Night Night replacement on Amazon and it came in the mail three days later. I have never seen such a happy girl when I brought Night Night to her before bed.

I was worried that she would see the pinkness was back and also the fluffiness... something the countless laundry cycles had erased long ago from "original" Night Night. Dhrumil and I both know how smart our little girl is and she said the following after I handed her Night Night...

"Night Night so FUZZY!"

"Night Night from mommy"

"Night Night different... two Night Nights"

"Night Night's face looks funny"

"Mimi SO happy Night Night is here"

And then she giggled uncontrollably... as IF she were saying... "aren't my parents cute, they think they are putting one past me, but they aren't, but I am just going to go along with it because this kinda looks like Night Night and they really tried so I don't want to hurt their feelings"

Maybe she wasn't really saying the last bit... but she knew something was up... though still insanely happy her best friend was back. Dhrumil spurted out... "Night Night got its magic from Never Land and that is what made it so pink and fuzzy!" Gotta love the guy... :)

I am just happy that my little girl is happy and that she still loves her little bunny... a small part of her babyhood is still clinging on!

Such a happy girl playing with her "new" Night Night

A New Life

I chose this post title because on my last day of work someone said to me "enjoy your new life" I kind of chuckled at the thought, but when I stopped to think about it, realized that this really is a new life. New state, new "career", new house, new friends, new baby to come. It is kind of a lot and my time so far in Pennsylvania has been me dealing with all of this change... I knew I was about to step into everything, but it didn't hit me until I was here.

And so apart from the overwhelming feelings that come with massive changes, sometimes so overwhelming I feel a bit under water, I have had moments that have been very special. I have seen God in those times of feeling isolated, as if He is saying... "you are not alone!"

So begins my journey into a new life...

The morning the moving truck was delivering our furniture I took Willoughby for a walk. It was a gorgeous morning and it was silent. All of the sudden I heard the clip clop of horses and saw an Amish family drive by... there is something so peaceful about seeing this and I realized I was definitely NOT in Fairfield County anymore! My experience with the Amish so far has been passing multiple buggies daily, driving past their gorgeous farms to get anywhere (say Target), buying furniture from them and seeing horse poop all over the streets.

One other unique experience I had was last weekend when I went to a furniture shop in the middle of no where with my sister's mother in law. When purchasing our items we got to talking to the Amish lady who ran the shop with her husband... she had three beautiful children running around and looked younger than me. She shared with us the heart wrenching story about just losing her newborn the week before. She said seeing me pregnant was making her think about it... she was so gracious and lovely in the way she spoke of the whole experience, but I can not imagine. Having friends who have lost babies of their own I tried to convey my heartfelt sympathy for her... I can't get the image of her striking blue eyes filled with sadness as she told us the story.

man plowing his fields

Buggies all over!

Our plunge into homeownership has been a learning experience already. From trying to figure out how the garbage/recycling works here (seriously), to mowing the lawn and yard work, to finding a large crack in one of our windows, to the insane frustration of studs when trying to hang things... the list goes on. I know it is only the beginning, but I believe we have done a pretty good job so far. I just love those moments when Dhrumil looks at me with some house question and I look back at him with the same question and we just shrug our shoulders and say... guess we should google that. :) Here are a few pictures of one of the first rooms almost done. (side note... we had the whole house painted and picking colors WAS so nerve wracking for me since I couldn't look at it in the house, but everything turned out beautifully!)

This room used to be the dinning room, but I turned it into the living room 

Thanks to my parents for the "on loan" armoire for the tv

Stay at home mommy-hood thus far in PA has been challenging. Mikayla is also facing many changes and those changes have left her a bit irritable at times, though maybe it is called being a two year old. It hasn't helped that being pregnant has seemingly made me more impatient and many deep breaths have helped me get through an afternoon. Mikayla asks everyday when can we go back to our old house and everyday I have to explain that we live here now. It has also been difficult not knowing anyone, but hopefully that will change soon.

We have had some fun times together so far... taking drives to discover Target and Walmart, checking out the town library (it was ONE room) checking out another library (slightly bigger), baking together, decorating Mikayla's room together, going to the park, taking walks to see the cows (it's a 3 minute walk from our house) and also snuggling during thunderstorms (my favorite!)

She now asks me to take her picture so she can pose

Ready for breakfast

Enjoying lunch outside while watching the buggies drive by

A WONDERFUL part about living in PA now is that we are close to my sister and her husband! They lived in Ecuador the past two years and just moved back to the States this summer. They just moved into their own place a week ago and are only 30 minutes from us. It is fun seeing Mikayla re-develop her relationship with them. We are all looking forward to many special times to come with them. 

Enjoying a shoulder ride with Uncle Clinton

She loves her aunt and uncle!

And finally I will end this post with this picture... my parents have been visiting this week and we all decided to drive a few miles to Intercourse PA... 

Memories From Connecticut

I have so many thoughts running through my head these last few days of living in Connecticut. I really want to write them down, but right now I am just going to share some memories from the past five years... these memories are very dear to me. Though I have lived in Connecticut since College, these past five years have been especially sweet.

My "other" category... many birthdays, Christmas trees, snows, times with family and trips into NYC

We have made wonderful friends and though many have already moved, we have a core group who we will miss dearly!!

A wonderful goodbye party thrown by our lovely friends

Far from Pink!

I grew up in a "girl household" What I mean by that is everything seemed to revolve around the women of the house. My dad, though obviously male, seemed to just mesh into our girl world. Or maybe it was that we never really let him escape it?

The "boyish" things that seemed to enter our lives consisted of wiffle ball, love of the METS, silly burp jokes and talk of dad's old cars in college. Other than that dad would watch all of our "girly" movies with us, he would play piano in our ballet classes, try to stop the fights over clothes between my sister and I and run out to buy us certain girl products if the need arose. What can I say, I have a wonderful dad!

I say all this because I never really thought that a boy would enter my life and change it. Ok, yes I knew I would get married, and yes I have changed in many ways because of that... but I mean in the "boyish" way. I guess I always assumed that when I had kids they would be girls and my sister would end up with the boys. It seemed simpler that way... living in a girl's world is comfortable.

Well, my friends. Let's just say when we found out we were having a boy, both Dhrumil and I were shocked. We had gotten so comfortable with a girl that we just assumed we would have another. We chose to find out the gender during a goodbye party our friends threw us and so the shock was not just seen by the two of us, but by all of our friends! :)

It went like this... ultrasound technician wrote down the gender, I delivered the envelope to my friend Alex who was going to make the cupcakes, I dreamt the whole night that the frosting inside would be pink, at the party the next day we bit into the cupcake, it was blue. Mind blank.... WHAT!? And then... what will I do with all of the pink clothes, pink car seat, pink BUMBO!?... I had refused to buy neutral, how dumb of me. And then... WHAT am I going to do with a boy!? I don't really know boys!

Mikayla was very excited to eat the cupcake as you can see in the first picture!

Since that moment the shock has faded a bit. Dhrumil got over becoming a "girl" family and is super excited about a boy. I, well... I was a little bummed that Mikayla wouldn't have a sister right now. But, I, ok, who am I kidding? I am still processing this whole thing. :)

Of course I love the little boy inside of me and cherish every moment I feel him move. I know that it is going to be different, but different is good isn't it? It helps us grow! I can't wait to see how the relationship between this little guy and Mikayla is. I had always wanted a brother and now I get to experience seeing what the relationship is like close up and personal.

One thing is for sure... he will know how to do his own laundry and chores around the house just the same as Mikayla will when she is older!

Bring on the Cars... and whatever else boys like. ;-) I am ready and confident that I can do this!

The Final Day

I wanted to write a post all day to capture my feelings coming into my last day in the working world. I have been stuck here all night looking at paint colors for the new house and avoiding writing down anything. Even now the words seem to struggle their way out of me, being held in by some invisible hold inside my brain.

I could blame this feeling-constipation on the exhaustion that pregnancy brings, on the fact that it is late and I have no more thoughts left or just on how overwhelming all of the changes in my life are right now that I can't focus on one thing.

I think the fact is... I haven't really had time to process this huge step that I am taking. In a way, I will be putting myself to the side for an unknown amount of time and dedicating my time to my children... to my family. That is scary. A small voice inside keeps saying "what about me!?" But I am doing this for me to... and there in lies the balance that I have to find! Never again will Mikayla be 2, never again will the baby inside of me be the sweet kicking life that she/he is now. Life is gone in an instant and I want to embrace these precious moments of when my sweet children are young. And so... I made this decision. I alone made it.

The good ole days... 

When I was in college I met a few young women who were going for their "Mrs" degree and I scoffed at that. Why pay so much to just get married and have babies!? My plans were set... find a job, find a husband, work for a while, have kids and then decide what to do.

I had really wanted to go into the arts and work in administration, but God had other plans. A month after college I was given an opportunity at an Oil company and because nothing else was coming along I took it. At the time I looked at this job as just a job... not a passion. The job ended when we were bought out and I took a few months to figure out what to do next... that is when a non profit fell into my lap. Again abandoning the thoughts of working in the arts I went to work at a College. I learned a ton in this tough environment and grew tremendously as a person. It was a blessing in disguise when I lost that job due to budget cuts. I fervently searched for another job in the non profit sector... but God had other plans. After ignoring a friend's offer to get me into another Oil company for about a month, I finally gave her the green light and after one interview and two days I had a job.

It was a breath of fresh air getting out of the politics of the College and back into the corporate world, where strangely enough, politics didn't seem to erode my day to day work. I grew so much in those first few years, becoming more confident as the days went by. I worked with a team of strong women and learned from watching them. Then... a baby came our way.

The night before I went back to work

When I became pregnant I didn't immediately start thinking what I would do next... I just kept avoiding the subject. Dhrumil was happy with whatever I chose and so as time drew closer for Mikayla to be born I decided to just take it a day at a time and start with three months maternity. After she was born I couldn't even fathom the idea of going back to work. So I again, doing what I do best, pushed those thoughts aside. As time grew closer for me to go back to work my mom offered to come and watch Mikayla so I could go stress free and just give it a chance.

The first few weeks back at work were horrible. I cried constantly and I missed my baby girl so much, but I knew being at work was good for me. If I didn't experience this, I would always have wondered what would have happened... maybe I would have been filled with regret? And so I pushed on... a few months after my boss approached me with an idea to take on a second role and I started thinking... maybe I could ask for this new role to be part time.

Sharing a moment after I came home from work

God again blessed me and my boss agreed. After working full time for four months with Mikayla, I was to begin a 24 hour week. How special it was to have those afternoons with my sweet girl! To finally have a whole day off to spend... just the two of us. I was able to have the balance of work and of family that I had truly wanted.

My new role was wonderful and I fell into it with ease. It was like this was the job I was always looking for. It's funny how things happen that way... I wished I had been able to find it sooner in my career, but I just went with it and gave it my all. It was still tough though... working and having a little one. Never enough time for anything. Maybe that is just how life is.

After I became pregnant with number two I knew I was ready to be done. I wanted to spend the last precious months with Mikayla before she became one of two. And so after prayer, thought, talking with Dhrumil... I decided on this decision. Things just moved from there... Dhrumil got a transfer to PA, the timing couldn't have been better, we could financially make it work and so it was time to be done.

I am filled with sadness to be leaving such a wonderful company. I am filled with anxiety wondering how I will be as a mom who is at home full time. I want to dive head first into mommyville, but I don't want to lose me in the process.

Maybe "me" is just going to change... and for the better?

I go into work tomorrow confident of my choice. Peace surrounds me and I know I can do it! We all have fears no matter what the situation and only by taking one step at a time will those fears be dulled and a true sense of self be found!

I am a wife... I am a mom... I am a strong woman... I am ME! I can't wait to see how this new step in life continues to shape who I will become.

Looking forward for what is to come!!

A Moment Captured

My good friend Alex recently started her own photography and events business (checkout her website) and when she mentioned that she would love to take pictures of my little family I jumped at the chance! I wanted to freeze a moment in time which could only be made possible by the magic of a camera and the skilled person behind it. With  a few short weeks left in Connecticut, and time quickly fading for our family of three, I thought the timing couldn't be better.

Alex suggested we take pictures around our town so we could look back and remember where our family of three started. When the time came to take the pictures I was feeling pregnancy exhaustions and Mikayla wasn't the happiest, BUT surprisingly Alex got some great shots! :)

 We began our adventure by the pond down the street from our house. The pond first became something I would walk by while pregnant with Mikayla. After she was born we walked there to see the ducks, Dhrumil made it special by going with Mikayla and throwing rocks into the water and my dad recently began bringing her there when he watches her once a week.

Next we headed to our favorite Gelato place down the street. Dhrumil and I have frequented this place every since we moved to this town almost three years ago. Mikayla just knows it tastes like ice cream and was thrilled with it!

There are sooo many more wonderful moments that were captured... but I will end with my favorite!