Courage Under Fire - a husband's perspective

The definition of courage in the Webster dictionary is “mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.”  

The TRUTHS about my ElisaBeth:

• Beautiful
• Passionate
• Funny – very Funny
• Artistic (Musical)
• Great listener and challenger
• Devoted to her family and kids
• The best mother (I couldn’t have envisioned a better mom for my kids!)
• Intelligent
• Organized
• Confident!
• Great writer & speaker

Honestly, so many more things!  

The frustrating thing, for me as a husband, in this journey with PPD is how the traits of this disease are the direct opposite of what I just listed above.  And in the weakest moments I’ve noticed that it’s very difficult to differentiate between the two for ElisaBeth.  The relentlessness of depression is undeniable.  But the courage and fight from ElisaBeth is also unquestionable.  The new personality trait that goes to the very top is the COURAGEOUS woman my wife is!

I am not a professional that knows all the ins and outs of depression, but as I’ve gone through this journey with ElisaBeth, I’ve seen the destructive lonely disease it is and I honestly hate it.  I despise how this disease is constantly trying to overtake the truths about the individual and replacing them with complete false statements about who they are.

A couple weeks ago is when this attack from PPD was full force.  The response from ElisaBeth is the greatest act of love I have ever received from anyone.  She had immense courage to tell me what was going on and all the ensuing doctors, and go to a hospital for a few days to sort through all that PPD was doing.   When the depression was the strongest it’s ever been, you’d think that the only response would be to wave the white flag, instead what happened was a little warrior woman running around inside of ElisaBeth yelling “Hell no, not on my watch, YOU will never take over!”

I think both of us still really struggle with the reasons why God is allowing this to happen to one of His precious, but the power of His response in this is overwhelming.  As ElisaBeth mentioned in her recent post, the support & love from old friends around the country and new friends in PA has been amazing.  The power of prayer is real and I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed the realistic power like I have the past couple of weeks.  

I share this post to anyone going through his, especially the spouses of those going through it to let you know that you aren’t alone.  Your wife is a hero for going through this for your family.  It’s NOT your fault and it’s NOT her fault.  We live in a fallen world where all kinds of diseases are possible.  

We WILL get through this and the work that God is doing in our marriage and in us individually is something we will relish.  But for now, I have a peace that only comes from above and grateful for the courage He has given her to withstand the pressure of depression.  

Thank you God and thank you ElisaBeth for letting me see what real courage is.