My Grandma

Meeting Mikayla for the first time

It is hard to know how to begin this post. I know we all grieve differently and I have found that for me, I become somewhat numb, and it is hard for my mind to wrap itself around the fact of life being a circle that begins and ends... I become emotionally stuck in a way.

My grandma passed away yesterday... almost a year to date after my grandpa.

Last night while I was trying to fall asleep I kept picturing her smiling, holding hands with my grandpa, meeting Jesus and celebrating in Heaven. Her mind was once again clear, no longer held captive by the dementia. Her body was no longer frail, but strong and healthy and she no longer knew the pain and hardship of the world.

What an amazing image, what amazing God we serve.

I still miss her though... she had been a fixture in my life... always there. Not until recently, after becoming a mother myself, have I truly appreciated all she taught me growing up. The stories she would write down for me in journals about her life, the cooking we would do together, the sewing, the crafts... the prayer. Living in Pennsylvania (she lived most of her life here) now has made me appreciate her all the more. She was the only grandma I knew (my maternal grandma died when I was three) and though not perfect, she was ever present in my life.

Our last visit

This morning as I was playing with Mikayla and helping her dress up all of her stuffed animals I couldn't help but know that her presence will linger... the doll quilts we were using to cover the animals were made by her, the crocheted doll sweaters, the little pillows... they were all her. So special to have these items and to share them with my daughter.

Of course God knew how this would all play out... but it still amazes me. We were able to go on a short road trip to see her just a month ago. I am so glad we did... I am so glad that Mikayla was able to come and be with her. Those special moments that we spent together and that hour that I spent just talking to her... my dad was also able to fly down shortly after us and then again he was with her right before she passed... and she knew he was there.

Soon I will write a post on my favorite stories about grandma. Something I can read back on and smile, something I can share with my children. But right now I am just going to be... just going to reflect on the impact she had on me, on the love she showed me.

I am at a loss... Lord help me make the most of my days here on earth and help me be a blessing to those who I pass by. Thank you for Judy Yoder and for all she taught me. Thank you that one day I will be held in her arms once again.