First day done, second day in progress. Yesterday was tough, but I got through it and felt proud. I think all the thoughts and prayers from friends really helped and I felt God’s presence guiding me. Today is tougher and I am waiting for 5pm to get here. Yesterday I felt like I saw Mikayla for a total of 2 minutes though in reality it was more like 4 hours. Since Mikayla isn’t used to taking a bottle all day long she woke up throughout the night wanting to eat and though I cherish the time with her I was exhausted when it came time to get ready for work.
One moment this morning made me think she might be feeling a tiny bit of what I am feeling. She uncharacteristically woke up crying at 6am. It wasn’t time for her to eat so Dhrumil went in and tried to soothe her back to sleep… she kept crying. He brought her into our room after a few more failed attempts to soothe her he handed her to me. Before seeing if she was hungry I decided to rock back and forth and hum a little. After a few seconds she quieted down and within a few minutes was dead asleep. I put her down beside me on our bed and with a start her eyes flew open, she looked at me and gave me the biggest smile before falling back asleep. She proceeded to sleep another hour and I just stared at the sweet smiles she had while sleeping.
Ever since that moment this morning the same thing has continued to play in my mind… “I need my baby and my baby needs me” Right now I feel like I’m missing her moments and will never get them back.
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