It Takes Time

Moving is hard... however I had no clue to how hard it would be this time.

Long Island Sound

The last time I moved my life was complicated at best. I was dropped off for my freshman year of college in Indiana having lived in Ohio for fourteen years. Leaving all my sister and I had ever really known, my parents moved to Connecticut literally the next day. The first time I saw my new home in the east coast was Thanksgiving that year. That first summer was tough since I didn't know anyone, but it was filled with work, a month of theatre camp in upstate New York, and the knowledge that I was going back to school.

I didn't make Connecticut my true home until I graduated College in the spring of 2004. My parents picked me up with a large van and moved me and my life permanently to a culture much different than the midwest. I don't think the biggest thing I was dealing with was the move... it was the fact that College life was over and I had to figure out what was next. Saying it was tough would be an understatement... but I made it through that first year and came out on the other side with a handful of good friends, a new church, ministry in a worship band, a great job and a boyfriend who eventually became my husband.

The bench where Dhrumil and I first time hung out 

I had moments of feeling truly lonely in those first few months after College. I remember wanting to put a huge sign on myself saying "PLEASE BE MY FRIEND." It was also incredibly difficult getting used to all things Connecticut... every other car a Mercedes, houses that cost millions, insane traffic, gross Walmarts, rude people, having to always be politcally correct, small churches and a fast pace that mirrored New York City. I remember one moment very clearly... I was at a four way stop sign and no one was letting me go and I just started to sob... I hated the area and I just wanted to go back home... though  I didn't really know where home was anymore.

Eventually I got used to it all. The area had a mold and I started to bend my way into it by the end. I guess you could say that was good and bad. I accepted it for what it was, even grew to love parts of it; after twelve years Connecticut had become my home. I had a core group of friends, a job I loved, I knew all the back roads, didn't think twice about planning my day around traffic and took for granted the good takeout.

And so leaving it was harder than I ever would have thought.

Dhrumil and I wanted to go... we wanted to get away from what could be a dark and stagnant place. We were ready for something new. We wanted to be able to own a home, make it possible for me to stay at home, take a breath away from the overwhelming materialism, try something else.

It has been six months now. This culture is just as tough to get used to as Connecticut had been. It is hard to believe, since Ohio was so similar, but I am a different person now.

We have the house and it is lovely... but checking off one of my "to dos" for life hasn't resonated the way I thought it would.  There is no traffic, we live by gorgeous farms, the Amish drive by our house and I am reminded to take things slower. There is a church on every corner, no one shies away from talking about church as religion seems to be ingrained into the culture here.  Generations of families have grown up and stayed. The relentless drive of moving ahead doesn't seem to be nearly as prevalent and simplicity trumps the innate sense of self. Of course this is what I see... ask me in another year and I may have a different perspective.

And so those who know my struggle of getting used to this new place keep telling me... it takes time.

"But how much time!?" I want to yell back. "I just want to feel like I belong to a place again... is that too much to ask?" Friendships, like all relationships, take work. I am tired... I am so so tired.

One of the many churches I drive by on a daily basis always posts interesting and sometimes quirky sayings on its outside board. The past few days it has had the same message, but not until today did it truly speak to me.

"Puzzled? Give God the pieces"

That is what I keep missing! I am not alone... He is with me. He is my ultimate friend! He has placed our family here and I am sure in time we will grow to appreciate and maybe even love this area and the people in it.

And so as much as I want to give up and stop trying at times... I am going to try to give God the pieces and trust that He has a plan.

I am also super excited that I will live by many of my dear friends I have met over the years again in Heaven! But until then... bring it on Pennsylvania!