And I'm Feeling Good

While trying to find the words to write about this past month, a song Michael Buble sings popped into my head:

Birds flying high

You know how I feel

Sun in the sky

You know how I feel

Breeze drftin' on by

You know how I feel

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life

For me

And I'm feeling good

I'm feeling good

Are things just as they should be in my life? Um no... Are there still things that need to be worked on? Um yes... BUT the thing to focus on is that I have been able to spend the last four weeks feeling almost completely free from the horrible grasp of depression, anxiety and panic!

That in itself makes me feel the sun shinning (even when it's gross out) and watch the birds flying (anyone else notice the incredible amount of geese flying around?) and realize that this might be IT, this might be my "new life" possibly free of... or at least nearing the end of my road with... postpartum depression.

I definitely don't want to jump the gun on my assessment of myself. But I do want to celebrate the huge steps I have shown of late including no panic attacks for six weeks and throwing a huge birthday party for Mikayla.

It is funny because I thought when I got to this point I'd feel exuberantly happy about all aspects of my life and everything would be hunky-dory. I guess that is because I expected life had to be perfect for my depression to leave. That in itself shows how much I have grown this past year... life isn't perfect and it is never going to be perfect! I am never going to be perfect! My days will be filled with frustration and joy, that is what it means to be human. God covers me with his incredible grace each and every time I screw up. When the world fails me I know that God never will. 

Tomorrow I am 32 years old. There was a time not to long ago when I didn't want to see my next birthday. God saved me from myself and my illness to live and celebrate who I am... and who I will continue to grow to be until my time in this world is over.

Tomorrow is brimming with new challenges and new joys... and I can't wait to face them!

"Today you are you!

That is truer than true!
There is no one alive...

...who is you-er than you!
Should loud, "I am lucky
to be what I am!
Thank goodness I'm not
just a clam or a ham
Or a dusty old jar of
sour gooseberry jam!
I am what I am! That's a
great thing to be!
If I say so myself,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!"
- Dr. Seuss