My Husband

I have been wanting to write a post about my husband for a while now... and yet the thoughts, emotions and words in my mind haven't been able to create a cohesive story. At least a story that could be shared and understood. What I feel about Dhrumil, especially after this past year, somehow passes words altogether.

Parts of one of our favorite song by Andrew Peterson will be my guide as I write this.

                                                               Dancing In The Minefields

Well "I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard is a good place to begin
'Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price for the life that we have found

And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storms
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
That's what the promise is for

No one tells you how difficult marriage is going to be. Taking two independent souls who have come from two completely different backgrounds and merging them into one? Sure no big deal! I wouldn't say Dhrumil and I went into marriage with our eyes closed, love did not blind us, but it did give us sunglasses. Leave it to marriage to throw you in front of a mirror to exam YOURSELF and see who you REALLY are! Cracks and all... selfishness and all... sin and all... the good and the bad. Marriage changed us... changed us for the better. Prepared us for the role of being completely selfless.

I believe God played a critical role in strengthening our marriage before I was struck with depression. We went through a difficult year after our first child was born... the very foundation we thought formed are marriage was crumbling. We both decided to fight for US and to work as hard as we needed to to save our marriage. With a support system around us and excellent therapists we came out on the other side united as ONE and stronger than we ever thought was possible.

So when I lose my way, find meWhen I lose loves chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith to the end of all my days
when I forget my name, remind me

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadow lands
Till the shadows disappear
'Cause He promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of this chaos baby,
I can dance with you

During the darkest months of my depression I lost who I was. I had forgotten anything and everything good about me. Dhrumil was right by my side, holding my hand, reminding me who I was. He constantly spoke words of truth, trying so very hard to deter the darkness that was covering me. I can not imagine watching someone you love go through such an illness, an illness that is so out of your own control. But Dhrumil handled it with selflessness, grace and love.

He saw my beauty when I couldn't

It didn't matter how many times I questioned the good in life... Dhrumil was there to remind of the miracles that happen every day. No matter how many times I put myself down in front of him...he was there to encourage me and remind me how amazing I was. When I needed to leave the house... he was there to be with the kids and be the amazing father he is. When I was unable to function... he took care of me, the house, the kids, our life! When I turned my back on God... he let me feel what I needed to feel and ever so gently reminded me of God's love.

God has given me the most amazing gift... and that gift is my husband. The love he showed me and still shows me each and every day encourages me to grow and seek God out more and more. We are a team... however imperfect... covered in grace and unified to grow in God, to lead our children and to love each other more and more every day.

So lets go dancing in the minefields
Lets go sailing in the storms
Oh, lets go dancing in the minefields
And kicking down the doors
Oh, lets go dancing in the minefields
And sailing in the storms
Oh, this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
That's what the promise is for