Acceptance

Do you accept who you are? Do you accept your circumstances this very moment? Do you accept that you are human, that you are imperfect? However imperfect you may be... do you accept that you were created by a perfect God who knows you so intimately that He knows what you are going to say even before you say it?

This past year has been a lesson in acceptance... a lesson which is ongoing. From the moment I learned I had postpartum depression my journey of acceptance began. 

ACCEPTANCE: The act of taking or receiving something offered. Favorable reception; approval; favor

In the context of depression... the definition of acceptance seems ironic. Was depression offered to me? No it was forced upon me, out of my control. Did I want to take it? Of course not... I wanted to run the other way. Favorable reception that my life was being turned inside out!? How can someone be ok with that? 

Accepting the need to swing!

I had to be... if I was going to get through it. Knowledge that you may not be able to change your circumstances right away but being "ok" with where you are... it brings peace. I had to accept that none of this was my fault, that I was dealing with an illness, that my life was what it was. In suffering God may not bring healing immediately, but He will work through circumstances that will give you the tools you need to get through the dark days. God placed so many people, places, things in my life... all that helped me deal, helped me ACCEPT.

As I approach the "anniversary" of what were the darkest months in my life, I find myself once again struggling to make sense of it all. The enormity of what I experienced hits me with gale force winds making it difficult to shield myself. The lies which once permeated my every thoughts momentarily find their way back as whispers of self doubt. 

It is time for me to accept... once again... where I am at. To accept that I'm still going to have days where I need to fight a little harder. Days where I need to process what I went through and seek closure. And to accept that this journey is continuous... it's life... and I'm not alone.