Because of You

It's hard to believe that you, dear one, would have been 2 years old a few weeks ago. We would have had such a fun party. Your sister and brother would have doted on you, your daddy would have made sure the theme of the party was the one word you were saying the most and I would have drunk in the moments watching you turn from baby to kid, but still be thankful for the baby cheeks that would have stayed. Dear baby I miss you! I want you! I will always love you! 

Just tonight I was telling daddy how much joy your brother, Colin, brings to us. He is like the period to our sentences. The giggle after the hard day. Even when his lower lip sticks out and starts to quiver after I ask him to “please be gentle” we are still so in love with this little boy. 

He wouldn’t have been, if you were not.

This is SUCH a hard concept to comprehend when I think of you, baby, when I want you to know that I MISS you. I love you SO much and I can’t wait to see you and yet I am so thankful for your brother. I would have never known him if it weren’t for you. I never got to stuff my face into your neck and smell your sweet sweet smell, but because of you, I get to snuggle Colin whenever I want. 

Thank you for living with me those short weeks. Thank you for helping me hope that I could have another baby, that I was strong enough to combat my depression. Thank you for the joy that you brought me.

With you I was full, without you I have a piece missing and yet I am newly formed into a woman with more empathy, compassion, and dare I say, more love to give my children here on earth.

Thank you baby.