Being a mom

Mikayla's Bad Day

Today is one of those days where I ask myself... am I really cut out for this? To which myself replies... well you have been thrown into the pool so you better swim because drowning is NOT an option.

To what am I referring to in this conversation with myself you ask?

Being a mother.

Today I felt having a newborn was easier, that even though I was clueless at the beginning I somehow figured it out, but today? This moment? I have NO clue what to do. Hard feeling to deal with... the overwhelming sense of not knowing what to do and the thought of “am I doing this right” looming over you like a big huge thunder cloud ready to burst.

And burst it did.

Mikayla being sick so much has really taken a toll on all of us. First my poor baby is so uncomfortable and in pain and I hate that. On top of that throw in 3 months of almost non stop sickness, me catching almost everything Mikayla has had, exhaustion and stress of missing work because we have no back up for daycare. It finally all caught up with me in the latest sickness of double ear infection combined with Mikayla’s new found independence in pointing to things.

Today being my day off I thought I would take Mikayla to the mall and give her something different then the house she has been stuck in all week since she has been sick. I packed her lunch and after her nap we headed to the mall. A nice walk, starbucks, the smell of Barnes and Noble, fun in the kids play area and a nice lunch together was what I desired.

Cue the kid who ran past Mikayla in the kids play area and side swiped her so hard her little cheek got bright and pink for the next half hour.
Baby feeling... SCREAM
Mommy feeling... how did that happen so fast? No matter how fast it was I should have used my inhuman reflexes and pulled her away when I saw that kid running.

Next... lunch. Grabbed subway so I could eat while Mikayla ate. Pushing stroller, carrying daughter who did not want to sit in stroller, diaper bag falling off shoulder and dragging highchair, which I knew having read a study was infested with bacteria, I made it to a table in the food court. I then proceeded to put down the sticky place mat on the table to which Mikayla kept ripping off and screaming to which I continued to try to stick the stupid thing down on the table.
Baby feeling... this is fun
Mommy feeling... should I care this much about bacteria?

Opening the packed lunch Mikayla started to throw food in her mouth faster than I was able to cut into little pieces prompting her to scream. She then wanted water, mommy’s water, she then pointed to the apple sauce, pointing, grunting, screaming, pointing, grunting, screaming to which I could not keep up pace and to which the points to randomness further confused me and further frustrated Mikayla.

Subway sandwich untouched, daughter covered in avocado, mommy covered in avocado, I decided lunch was over and put a disgruntled little girl into the stroller.
Baby feeling... scream
Mommy feeling... I just want to SOB and throw in the towel

Getting a hold of myself I made it to the car, Mikayla fell asleep in the next minute and I cried to my mom on the phone. Her words? You won’t know what to do most times as a mother, but you will figure out. Sigh...

We made it!

One Year Musings

 

After attempting a one year photo shoot today at the park... I gave up jumping up and down and trying to make Mikayla smile and just took pictures of who she was at that moment. 

Though Mikayla has a wonderful smile and uses it often these pictures show who a part of her is as a one year old. A little girl who is finding her independence in head nods, pointing and using her language to explain what she wants. A baby emerging into a toddler who throws her food on the ground when she is done, picks the books she wants read by pushing away those she is not interested in, and who clings to her mama like I am going to disappear in a poof of smoke.

She is not a puppet who I can pose with a smile when I want. She is her own person and her personality is emerging every day! Mikayla takes care to sit slowly after standing, she has her "party tricks" of pointing to her belly and nose, clapping, lifting her arms in touch down, she says hi and duck, dog and so many more babels that are harder to make out.

 

Mikayla loves to dance to music, crawl around the house at lightening speed and give belly laughs when her neck is tickled. She loves hugs from mommy and daddy and loves to hold her bunny snuggles. She pretends to go to sleep by randomly laying on the ground and she covers her face with her hands and thinks we can't see her. She loves the tunnel a the mall play area and bee lines to it every time Dhrumil brings her there to play.

 

My baby is growing up each moment of every day and though I miss the days when she was tiny it is so much fun to discover the world through her eyes. To see it in it's simplicity that only a child can see. To appreciate the ducks swimming in the pond, the taste of a cracker and the bathtime that gives such joy to this little person who is my daughter.

 

 I can't wait to hold Mikayla's hand and watch her grow the be the person God has planned for her to be!

A Ducky Birthday

Mikayla's first birthday party was at the tail end of all of her sickness so the picture to the left shows her mood that day. :) We had her party the day after her birthday and the theme was ducks. From the beginning of her being able to smile she would always have a huge smile to give no matter what her mood when she played with her ducks in the tub. Duck was also her second word... so ducks seemed to be the obvious choice.

We were blessed to have both of our parents, Dhrumil's siblings, my uncle and grandpa and few close friends to celebrate with us. And even though Mikayla would not let go of me the whole party, didn't want to eat her cupcake or be messy about it and screamed when opening her last present... we had a wonderful time celebrating the life God gave us one year ago!

"Happy" family! :)

Little girl not happy

Party Guests!

I put the icing on her nose to make her appear messy

Picture for high school graduation

Right of passage for a new mom... the "cake" duck cupcakes!

 

Cute Little Germ Bug

I have been MIA from blogging for a while because of the sickness that took over our house for a while. I got used to lovingly calling Mikayla my germ bug because everything she had I ended up catching in one form or another.

Mikayla has basically been sick since Christmas with only a week break and wow has it been tough! She had a horrible cough which we had to check with an xray. Then she got a stomach bug (which wasn't too bad for her) then I caught it and it was AWFUL! Then she got an ear infection with a temperature spiking close to 104 and staying high for a few days. When we got her an antibiotic she got a rash and so three antibiotics later she was finally getting better. I then caught the bug but on a smaller scale. Now she  has a stuffy nose AGAIN and a cough.

What have I learned through all of this? Patience... letting go of all else but focusing on caring for Mikayla... really enjoy the times we are well and also daycare is germ city!!

Praying with the Spring will come a fresh start for Mikayla to remain healthy.

11 Months on Earth

11 Months

My baby is crawling WAY too fast towards becoming one years old.  Last year at this time I was huge and ready for the journey of parenthood to begin. Of course I had NO idea what I was in for. But who does when they make such a huge step in life? The picture above was taken today. I waited until the end of the day and Mikayla was either not looking at the camera or when she did not smiling... :) She is sitting on the chair I have rocked her in for almost a year. After that picture are a few more to show what she is up to these days.

Books!

Puffs

Self discovery

Bananas

Teeth!

Self Discovery #2

Teeth!

Strange how different teeth can make you look. With teeth I feel like I now see glimpses of myself in Mikayla. 

Four top (one is hiding)

two bottom

10 Months

What defines month 10 of Mikayla? Well what I really need is a picture of her mouth which is now full of teeth!! Hard to believe my sweet toothless baby's 9 month appointment was dominated by her  naive mommy asking the Dr. "I'm concerned she has no teeth" to which the Dr. replied "Um I see three coming in, look the top one you can see" WHOOPS! Yeah my brain and head are definitely separated.

Mikayla now has 6 teeth which are almost all the way in. 4 top in a row and the two bottom middle. So cute, though I do miss her sweet gummy grins. Just another reminder that my sweet baby girl is almost a toddler. SNIFF.

So what else makes Mikayla who she is right now?

- SHE LOOKS LIKE ME SHE LOOKS LIKE ME! Ok so maybe she doesn't care, but I can FINALLY see myself in her. Some of her looks freak me out and I get so excited. :) For a sweet mini D it's nice to now have a little of me. (ok that was not supposed to be a witty ditty)
- Mikayla crawls mad fast
- Mikayla's vocabulary now consists of (and I quote) HI HI HI HI HI hi hi mama HI HI HI HI HI da hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi ba goobadoba HIHIHIHIHIHIHI. The girl won't stop saying HI! So funny for a first word. :)
-She thinks she knows what she is saying when she talks gibberish. Our conversations go as follows... "hi goodabado bama dooo hi hi" "oh really that sounds like a very interesting idea for your birthday party"
- She is pulling herself up on everything
- She once again points at everything, waves when she wants too, loves reading books and saying... yup you guessed it, "hi" to them
- Her personality is coming out more and more... she is IMPATIENT!
- In new places she takes it all in... quietly watching and listening and then she starts to explore and talk
- She cracks herself up
- She melts mommy's heart with her hugs and kisses and HI!
- She hangs onto my leg as I try to do things
- She sleeps throughout the night... oh wait... only when she isn't sick which is never now a days
- She LOVES to eat and puffs are a lifesaver! The great silencer I call them. :)
- She likes to hand things to me now and also enjoys putting toys in bags or baskets
- She makes up games for herself
- She could spend minutes on end going up and down our one stair (with close supervision of course!)
- Oh... and Dhrumil taught her touchdown. SIGH

Preparing for one of the many snow storms