35

This is the first year I feel old.

I know for those of you who are older you're probably rolling your eyes... I'm sure I will roll my eyes when I reread this post in years to come.

However, today I feel old.

Yesterday we were eating lunch at church and a group of younger people sat down and joined us. As I was attempting to dart sweet potatoes being spit at me by Colin, I smiled, said hello and asked if they were in high school. Turns out they were in their last years of College... and two of them were engaged. I then proceeded to recount our engagement story where we didn't have a camera to capture the moment and had to run to CVS, grab a disposable and return to the recreate the gorgeous scene (which I might add did not work very well.) One of the newly engaged remarked "well it's easier nowadays to capture moments." "Yeah," I replied "we didn't have cameras on our phones back then." Blank stares. I felt old.

This weekend we went out to celebrate my birthday. Dhrumil looked dashing in his sports coat, I
wore red lipstick. I felt grown up, fun and trendy. After a lovely dinner followed by a drink at a jazz club, we decided to go home... at 10pm. I felt old.

On a trip with just one child, Colin, people assumed he was our first. When I corrected them, told them he was our third and that our oldest was 7. I felt old.

Last week was our 10 year wedding anniversary. 10 years?! How could 10 years have passed already!? I looked at my husband who has grown stronger, more handsome and even more brilliant with age. A man who constantly knows what I'm thinking before I do. I felt old.

With age comes wisdom. Right? My 34th year was one of redemption. I worked through grieving the baby that we lost. Colin was born, making my heart bigger, stronger and more resilient. I've spent the six months of Colin's life postpartum depression free. I have been stretched in new and crazy ways by juggling 3 kids, Dhrumil's new jobs and no sleep. I am far from super woman, however I know my limitations and am aware enough when to ask for help and when too much is too much. My personal growth has taken off and instead of continuing to rebuild myself as I have been doing for 4 years, I am now adding new windows and doors and even additions! I feel whole. I feel complete. I am more sure of myself, more confident, more ME! And it feels good... I am ever changing, ever evolving and yet I'm ok with that because I finally know I have a good base to add too.

So come on 35... you may feel old, but I bet with age comes comfort, strength and endurance to continue on.

A baby 7 years after the first and so much fun!